Honeymoon scene
by tw1pad
Summary: This is the honeymoon scene that I would like to have seen in print. Lemon (Bella/Edward) chapter 1 will be in Bella's POV and chapter 2 will be in Edwards POV . Contains traditional and anal sex - don't like, dont read!
1. Chapter 1

Twilight- This is the honeymoon scene that I would like to have seen in print. Lemon (Bella/Edward) chapter 1 will be in Bella's POV and chapter 2 will be in Edwards POV . Please be kind as this is my first fan fiction story. It is a promise that I made for my best friend who committed suicide Nov 23, 2013. I promised her that I would follow my goal to write and post a story to fan fiction! chapter 1

Twilight disclaimer: all owned by Stephenie Meyer. I am just a lemon-lover and a tweaker!

**Bella POV**

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" I asked, breathless as he sprung out of huge boat.  
He grinned. "I'm nothing if not thorough." Edward effortlessly scooped me up in one hand and grabbed the two steamer trunks in the other. It was pitch black. Here I am, where I have wanted to be for so very long. Why am I so scared? Well, not scared really, as I have never been scared of Edward, but why the trepidation?

There are dim lights coming from the distance. Edward is walking toward what I now see as a glass-fronted house. So much for my thoughts of us staying at a hotel. I turn my face and I see Edward looking at me; I cannot read his smile and he is not asking me what I am thinking. This is out of character for him. Is he nervous too?

Edward nudges the door open and carries me in. My heart is thumping in my chest like a terrified fox on a hunt and Edward chuckles, but he sounds off and somewhat quiet. The room is grand. There are pale-on-pale tones similar to that of the Cullen's home. It is simply breath-taking. I take in the beautifully decorated room and gape when I espy a large bed, complete with billowing clouds of mosquito netting.

Edward releases me and nervously states that he is going to get the luggage. I nod and lift my hand and slowly stroke the netting. My senses are heightened and I feel the caress of the fabric in my fingers. I smell the salty air. My breathing is hitched and I feel a bead of sweat running down the back of my neck and between my breasts. Is this real? I need to anchor myself. I swallow the lump in my throat and embrace the fact that I am here with Edward and that he is willing to follow through with my request of trying. I want to try to make love with him while I am still human.

Edward is suddenly behind me. I did not hear him return. I am glancing downward, avoiding his eyes. I know that when I look into them I am lost. He never fails to dazzle me, making me lose all train of thought. My attention comes back as he is mentioning something about the heat and that is for the best. I respond by reaffirming his thoroughness. Again he chuckles but it is a nervous chuckle. "I was wondering," Edward said slowly,"if ...if first...maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?"

I nod woodenly. Edward gives me a 'human moment' and I use this time to gather my strength and my resolve. I watch him walk out to the beach, dropping clothes along as he departs. I am on fire. Not literally, but I feel like my skin is aflame and burning. I glance down and feel relieved that I look the same as before. I walk over to my luggage. I open the top case and stare in horror. Alice packed very French and very expensive lingerie. Someday I will have to kill her...and to thank her.

I am so afraid. I am a virgin, he is a virgin and I do not know the first thing about seduction. All I know is that I want to try, and that I want to please him. I have wanted this for so long and I have had to fight and convince Edward that this _is_ possible and that we _can_ try. Sucking in a deep breath and realizing that I am not ready to approach Edward in slinky lingerie, I opt for a shower and another shave. I am gathering my courage for twice I almost talked myself out of meeting Edward in the water.

"Don't be a coward, don't be a coward." I chant my mantra over and over. I look through my clothes and settle for only a towel, because really, what does one wear to a midnight swim with her newly-betrothed? I inhale a deep breath and walk out of the door and into the unknown.

The sand is warm under my feet and the water tickles my toes as I step in. The water is warm, like a sweet kiss, a warm embrace. Edward was right to bring us here. I can only imagine how this warm water reacts with his usually cold skin. I drop the towel and confidently stride up to his form, water waist high. He is beautiful. His hair is blackened by the water and by the darkness. His skin is luminous and matches the pale moon. He is glorious. I see the defined muscles on his back and his arms. These arms have held me tight over and over. These arms have kept me safe. His back I have stroked and memorized with my fingertips. He is _mine_. I _am_ his.

My skin is no longer on fire. The burn is slow and deep. It burned away all my fear and uncertainty. I want this. I want him. I arrive at his side where he waits, not looking at me. I tell him this is beautiful but he responds that it is 'okay', but not compared to me standing there beside him.

I place my hand in his. Our hands are skimming the water's surface and I am in awe by the fact that we are almost the same temperature. His skin is sensuous and feels like velvet over steel. I have a flash, remembering our first time in the meadow and how he pressed his face against my neck, taking in my scent but also warming his skin against mine. He stated that we were almost the same temperature then.

"I promised we would try," he whispered. He seemed tense. "If...if I do anything wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once." Edward was pleading. He was speaking so low and so fast, almost forcing out the words that wanted escape, like they had a mind of their own.

I stared into his eyes. I Still held on to my conviction and my confidence. "Don't be afraid. We belong together." I feel the truth and honesty in my words. Wrapping his arms around me I hear him say 'forever' before he pulls me toward his body and into deeper sea.

My eyes are closed. I feel everything. I feel the rock-hardness of his body against mine. I feel his arms protecting and cradling me. I feel my breasts crushed against his chest. His chest, I have touched and memorized every plain and groove and now it is more real. The warm water is a blanket. It is shielding me from the ice of his body. It is our warmth. It is our love. My caution is thrown to the wind. I _feel_ him and I _want_ him.

His arms lift me and I swing my legs around him, locking him in my grasp. I hear him gasp. I feel his fists balled against my back. I can only imaging how this is testing and straining his normal self-control. I open my eyes and I smile down at him. I reassure him. I take my hands and caress his head, twining my fingers in his hair. I hope he likes this. I pull his head back as hard as I can. Edward takes the hint and tilts his head back, allowing me to start our dance with a long and almost brutally punishing kiss.

Edwards kiss. He deepens the kiss and slides me down from his body. I feel it then. Edward's arousal is evident against my thigh. I am lost. I have never seen nor touched any penis, and because he is a vampire, I always assumed his penis was hard like the rest of his body. It is incredible. The feeling of that burn, the feeling of my wetness and of my arousal. I become embarrassed and I know that I should not be. He is my husband and my lover. I graciously embrace this feeling and I slide my hand down to his waist.

Edward's head falls to my neck and he is scenting me. He kisses and nibbles by collar bone, careful not to draw blood. He is claiming me. His arms are clenching and releasing me, making me rut against him. I feel _it_. I feel his member slide against my sex. The feeling is like a whirlwind and I am losing breath. Inside I am delirious and flying blindly.

I hear Edward moaning, and I see too, that he is not unaffected by our dance. He kisses me once more - deep and hard. He seems to be vacillating between staying in the water and going back to our bed. Edward's moans bring my moans to life. I am making sounds that I have never made before and I don't care. I want to scream and shout. I am fearless.

The bed wins out. Edward is running out of the water and up to the beach with me in his arms. He will not drop me nor let my feet touch the ground. He is laughing exultantly. I feel his joy and I know too, that he _will_ try because he loves me. Reaching the bed, he tosses me softly upon it. I laugh as this is a silly side of him that I rarely see. He is staunchly so self-contained as I know that he has to be. I know that my blood and my scent still has that powerful draw to him, even though it is not as potent as before.

He gently slides his body over mine. He is resting on his elbows so that his weight is not crushing me. His face is so close. I smell his honey and sunshine scent that I so love. His hair is dripping on me and it is welcome. I tilt my head up and kiss his eyelids. His eyes close and I feel his smile against my cheek. My skin must feel like fire against his.

I take my hands and start stroking his head and then lower to his cheeks and neck. He slides one hand up to my neck and grasps it softly, not enough to constrict air movement. "I love you." He whispers in my ear. I groan and pull his body to mine, taking my leg and intertwining with his. I will not let go. My hand slowly moves lower from his neck down his back and stopping at his ass.

I have never dared to touch him here. It is firm and supple and I cannot help myself and knead his cheeks. I flash back to the memory of night I slept over at his home. I so wanted to make love but he stopped me. I remember his body on mine and how he ran his hand from my face, down my chest and ribs, down my waist and hip, down my leg and then finally hitching my leg over him so that I rested atop him. Even then my breath whooshed out of me! Now my touch has ripped moans out of Edward.

He takes both my hands, drawing them over my head. He takes both my hands in one of his. He gently whispers that he will try, I think not so much to reassure me, but to reassure himself. He slides his hand ever so gently down my face creating a path to my thigh. It is heavenly and I do not want the feeling to end. He raises his body slightly so he can lower his lips to my breast. I arch my body as his lips reach my nipple. The feeling is exquisite - like ice on fire. His cold lips and tongue trace a cold path to my heated peak. We are moaning and this action is eliciting our responses. I am arching into him and he is grinding his pelvis into mine.

I am so very wet and I know he can smell it. I tuck this foolish shame away. I keep telling myself that this is normal and is necessary for penetration. Edward takes his hand and gently eases my thighs apart. My instincts tell me what I must do. He groans and lines up his member to my core. He gently enters but stops at my maidenhead. He looks to me to see if I am okay. He looks like he is doubting himself. I see him wince. I nod and tell him to proceed. I am silent, as my eyes tell him all he needs to know.

He pushes forward and I feel the tear of my hymen. There is blood as I instantly smell it. It reminds me of the day of the blood sampling in class. I was faint and had the pleasure of Edward escorting me to the Nurse's office. The blood stunk of rust and salt. Edwards fingers tighten on my body and I know for sure that _he_ can smell it too. I know this must be painful and exquisite for him. I know he has never felt the heat and wetness from within a woman before, but also I know this is compounded with the scent of _my _blood and _my_ body. Edward is growling and clutching me harder. He quickly release a hand and I see it grabbing the headboard. He is closing his eyes and I see that his teeth are clenched. I see his _thirst_ and his pain.

With my hands freed I quickly grab his ass and start to move. I hope to have distracted him enough from his thirst. He is holding his breath and his eyes are shut tight. I want his eyes open. I want him to see this delicious pleasure-pain that I am feeling. Even as a novice, I grab his hips forcing him into a rhythm.

"Open your eyes." I whisper. I see his eyes and the look of awe in them. I want to know what he is thinking. I see his love. This is my undoing. I feel the fullness in my sex. I am flying high and there is a pleasure building up inside me. I feel the heat and the pain is now but a memory. I feel nothing, only him, grinding into my heat and feel his breathy moans against my neck. This is what I have waited for. This was worth the fight. This is worth the pain of losing him and then regaining him.

I climax and I scream out his name. I feel as though I have been flung into the sky and then plummeted back to earth. I feel immense joy. My heart is beating like a hummingbird and my sweaty hair is stuck to my face. I open my eyes to see my beautiful husband panting. He too reached climax, but I was so lost in my own to have witnessed his. If he had a heartbeat I'm sure that it would have been beating a ragged staccato.

He clutches me and flips us over. He is wiping my hair from my face and kissing my eyes and face gently. His breathing has returned to normal but he is still so quiet. He sits us up so that I am in his lap. He again is hard and lines his member to mine. I have no qualms about this. I want him, I will always want him for he is _mine_. It is a different feeling being on top. I grab his head and bite hard into his stony neck. I hear his moans and I know that I am controlling this union. He relinquishes all power to me. I kneel up and insert his penis into me. I wince as I am still tender, but I want this pain so bad. I start to grind and Edward accommodates me by placing his hands on my hips, helping and setting a rhythm. I come again and again. It was so fast and easy this time. I have a lover who will never tire. One who never needs to sleep. One who will always be ready for me.

I collapse on his chest. My bones have become spongy and feel like they have melted. He kisses me teasingly on my nose and tells me to sleep. I giggle and say that this is a good idea. I told him that I need to recharge. I blissfully fall into a deep sleep.

I am awakened hours later by a nudging. I am on my front and I ease up to see Edward above me. In his hands is a tube of lubricant. He looks away shyly and then asks me to try it 'there'. I am speechless. I have just lost my virginity with my husband and he wants to take the next step and go 'there'. But I trust him. I will do this only for _him_.

Edward takes the pillows and piles them. I kneel and he shifts my hips over the pillow, my face on the bed. He is massaging my cheeks and stroking upward until he reaches my neck. This feels magnificent as it is easing the pains from earlier. I am afraid of the pain. Edward leans and kisses me from my nape and slowly down my back and waist. He is licking and nibbling me. He tells me that I am beautiful and that he is sorry; for what, I don't know. He seems torn from wanting sex with me in this way but also against knowing the amount of pain that this will most likely cause my body. His hands start sliding under my body and tugging at my nipples. This feels incredible. The sensation is like electric jolts shot to my groin. I am moaning and he slides his other hand down to my heat. Taking the wetness, he slides his hand up my perineum to my anus. He gently rubs the entrance but does not enter.

I gasp as he takes his first anointed finger and pushes in knuckle-deep. The feeling is alien and painful but at the same time indescribable. He kisses me and sucks my neck. I do not notice a second finger has penetrated my backside. I am gasping and the pain is so real. Tears slide from my eyes and Edward stops. The pain in his eyes is evident. "Edward, don't stop. I got this." I say. To my surprise I do want this. He resumes and we find a rhythm that I can relax to. There is a third finger inserted but I am ready now.

Edward finishes his ministrations and coats his penis and my hole with lubricant. He gently nudges the entrance and I cringe and moan. My mind is seeing every color of the spectrum and I focus on this. Edward inches another inch and my breathing is panted and controlled. There is pleasure and pain and now the pleasure is winning out. I thrust my ass back, forcing him into me deeper. I am no longer in my body. I am pleasure. I am breath. I am light.

I force back again until I feel his testicles against my ass. There is a feeling of fullness that I cannot comprehend. Edward has his hands gripping tightly at my hips and will not let go for love nor money. We are moving to a fast pace like we are in a race for first place. The pain is forgotten. We are moaning and panting. I cannot speak of the wonderful things I feel. I listen to Edward's breathing. I know he is close. I am close.

Suddenly we come together. Than unknown and forbidden pain culminated into the best orgasm that I have ever had. He collapses on me and rolls to avoid placing his weight on me. He strokes my back and ass. I know that I will feel pain later. I am adrift and the cables holding me to the now are snapping as I head into a slumber.

I awake with the sun coming up through the windows and the billowing mesh net. I feel Edward softly stroking patterns into my back. I cannot get this smile off my face and I am happy. I want to lie here forever. I slowly rise to awareness. I am in bliss but I am confused by all the feathers on the bed and in my hair. I look over the the almost silver of his skin and his jaunt jaw. I lift and rest on my elbow. "Edward, what is it?" I say and there is a catch in my throat. What have I done?

"You have to ask?" he spits out. His voice was hard and cynical. Fear grips me. I do not know what is wrong and immediately my insecurity rears it ugly head. I thought that we fit together perfectly. I felt that we meshed together like a natural fabric. We were fire and ice somehow fitting together and coexisting without destroying each other. This was firm proof that we belonged together.

What have I done to warrant his anger?

* * *

A/N: thanks for reading and soon will be Edward's POV. =)


	2. Chapter 2

Good times for a change  
See, the luck I've had  
Can make a good man turn bad

So please, please, please  
Let me, let me, let me  
Let me get what I want this time

Haven't had a dream in a long time  
See, the life I've had  
Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life  
Let me get what I want  
Lord knows, it would be the first time  
Lord knows, it would be the first time

Read more: The Smiths - Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Whew! This one was much harder to write that the first chapter. Mainly because aside from gathering direct quotations from the book, the rest was free-style. This chapter was harder as I had to keep continuity with Edward's thoughts, dialog and actions. I want to thank all for faves and follows! If anyone is interested, please see A/N at bottom of story as I was unable to retort to a guest response. I normally would not use this story to air a possible dispute on the Fanfiction community, but, hey, she wants me to–and I quote–'Prove her wrong."

As mentioned, all owned by Stephenie Meyer!

Honeymoon Scene

Chapter 2

Edward POV

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" Bella states, as I scoop her up in one arm and the two steamer trunks in the other.

"I'm nothing, if not thorough." I grinned. Embracing her securely, I walk up the sandy path and through the dark vegetation. Soft illumination ahead signals the home that Carlisle had built and presented to Esme. I think fondly of my mother and father. Carlisle and Esme together have made a home for all of us and within our home has kept us together through mutual love and respect.

We reach the house, glass-fronted and bathed in light. I nudge the door open and enter the grand room. I sneak a shy glance at my bride but she refuses to meet my gaze. I hear her heart beating a frenzied tempo. She is nervous-not that she needs to voice this-her beating heart is evidence of this. Her breaths seems shorter.

Bella is beginning to sweat-not that I would ever state this to her for I am a gentleman-but I do not know if is from the Brazilian tropical heat, or if it is from her nervousness. Dropping the luggage, I carry her through the rooms, flipping lights on as we pass. We enter the last room and I set Bella down next to the large four-poster bed. I see Bella's eyes widen at the sight.

"I'll... go get the luggage." I quietly leave the room. Standing outside the room, I close my eyes. My fear is palpable. If my heart could beat it would be thrashing like a sailor tossed out to sea. I am consoled by the fact that my heart remains silent as this would cause deep pain and guilt for Bella.

_I must not kill her... I must not kill her..._

I return to Bella, wiping a stray bead of perspiration from her neck. Her skin is pale like porcelain and just as fragile. "It's a little hot in here," I apologize. "I thought... that would be best."

"Thorough," Bella murmurs softly. I chuckle nervously. Bella cocks an eyebrow, catching my rarely seen nervous state.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this... easier." I say. I think back to the discussions that I have had with Carlisle and my brothers. I wanted to know the best way to make this honeymoon safe and possible for us. I asked what I should expect. Carlisle stated that physical love was very precious and was not be taken lightly. My brothers told me that it is the greatest feeling in the world-next to drinking human blood. I have had human blood and Bella's blood. There can be nothing as potent as _that_.

"I was wondering if... first... maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" I pause, gathering my confidence, "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of." I leave Bella to have a 'human moment'. I file past her, dropping my clothes as I proceed out the door.

I head to the water. I am waist deep and the water is warm. With my constant frigid temperature everything is warm to me. I stare out at the moon and feel the little waves lap against my skin. I am in tune with Bella. All this past time with her I know her scent. I know her heart beat. I can tune into it from miles away. Her mind is a silent mystery to me but her face will always give her away, betraying her every fear and thought. I cock my head listening to Bella as she appears to be showering.

I drop my head. I have this extra room in my head; a constantly running server allowing my fears to come to the surface. I caved into her request to try making love to her while she is still human. Does she not know how dangerous this is? Does she not realize that I can snap her neck at a moment's thought? She has immense faith in me and my self-composure, but like Bella is, she doesn't always know what is best for her.

_I must not kill her... I must not kill her..._

I hear Bella approaching the beach. I will not turn toward her. She does not need to see my fear and anxiety. I gather my resolve, knowing that deep-down Bella loves me as ever much I truly love her. I close my eyes briefly, praying to God that Bella survives this. I have long dismissed any notion of a God-for I am soulless. Bella has argued-over and over-stating that I do have a soul. She stated one's acts define a soul, not that being a vampire automatically condemns one to Hell. I smile and shake my head, knowing that we have agreed to 'disagree' on this matter.

_Oh God, what am I doing?_

Bella reaches my side and places her hand in mine. "Beautiful,"she states, glancing at the moon. I agree, unimpressed. I take her fingers and entwine them with mine. Our hands are skimming above the water, just warm enough to keep Bella from getting goose bumps.

"But I wouldn't use the word beautiful, not with you standing here in comparison." I declare. I know that my time to stall her has run out. There is no turning back. Only doing so would hurt Bella terribly. With her deeply-rooted insecurities she would feel the blow of rejection. I have seen her experience the sting of rejection before and it was a feeling that I never want Bella to endure ever again. I can refuse her nothing. I never could. Briefly, my mind jolts back to that black period when I left her. I left her for her safety and so that she can forget me and a move on to lead a normal human life. This proved futile as I left her vulnerable to the others who wished her dead.

_I will try._

Bella reaches up and places her free hand over my heart. White-on-white - for once we match. I tremble at this intimate touch. We have been intimate before; sharing that clumsy and awkward make- out sessions in her room. We would lay in her bed, me with my shirt off and her wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. This is different. There are no barriers, no one to interrupt by barging into her room. There is no excuse of my chastity. We are married and the only barrier between us now is the warm sea.

"I promised we would try," I whispered. "If...if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once." My voice is rougher. I need to get through to her the gravity of this situation. I just need to have her know. I need her to acknowledge this and understand.

Bella nods and leans her head against my chest. "Don't be afraid. We belong together." She declares. I hear the truth and conviction in her words. I feel her bravery. So many times I have underestimated her strength. So many times she has surprised me by being resourceful. So many times she was met with adversity and overcame it. I will not let her down. I will draw strength from her faith in me. I will not fail her.

_Please, please, survive this..._

"Forever," I agree and pull her into deeper water. My eyes are closed. I feel everything. I feel the heat and softness of her body crushing against mine. My arms are protecting and cradling her. I feel her breasts crushing against my chest. The warm water is a soothing blanket. It is shielding Bella from the chilliness of my body.

Bella swings her legs and locks them around my waist. I cannot suppress my gasp. This feeling is indescribable. I have lived over a hundred years and have read the minds of thousands of people. Sexual thoughts are not unknown nor hidden from me. I have read the lust and yearning from many. I have read minds that thought up every conceivable act and sexual position. I have read these thoughts-from faithful married lovers to murderous rapists. I often dismissed them as mundane. I thought very little of these humans who seemed so self-possessed, and so obsessed by sex. But this-this exquisite feeling-I cannot explain. There are no words in any language to remotely describe this feeling. Every negative thought whooshes out of me like the burst of air from a popped balloon. My deeply staunch, self-contained composure has disintegrated. The floodgates have breached. I fight with every

ounce of my being to control myself.

I instantly ball my fists.

_Oh my God... my God... this... this feeling! I cannot bear losing this self-control..._

Bella opens her eyes and smiles down at me. I thinks she wants to reassure me. She takes her hands and intertwines her fingers in my hair. She pulls my head back and I acquiesce. Bella boldly crushes her lips against mine, starting our lovemaking with brutal and punishing kisses.

I deepen the kiss and slide Bella down my body. My arousal is evident as I know she can feel my erection against her thigh. A small part of me wonders if I am inadequate, a feeling that I have read from hormone-addled teen-aged boys over the decades. Have I, too, fallen into that insecurity? Another part of me is doubting that I can sate her needs. Her body is aflame on mine and I hear her thunderous heart beat. I hear her groans and It is my undoing.

_Don't kill her... don't kill her..._

My head falls to her neck. I am scenting her. I am making her mine. I nibble and suck love bites, careful not to draw blood. I smell her arousal and feel her dampness. I draw her body up to mine, forcing my member between her thighs. I feel her arousal and I am dumbfounded. My fists are clenched and I lift her body, rutting it against mine. I kiss her long and hard again. I am torn between staying in the water or heading to the room. My mind quickly calculates several reasons to opt for the latter; the main one being that I don't want her to drown.

I swing her in my arms and run up the beach. I am laughing exuberantly. I have never had such a joyous and carefree laugh. I click the door open and lightly toss Bella on the bed. I follow, laying over her resting on my elbows. I stare down at her lovely face and marvel. Bella smiles and kisses my eyelids. I close my eyes and smile against her cheek.

_Oh God... can't stop... can't stop... don't ever stop..._

I take one hand and slide it to her neck. I grasp it softly, gently wrapping my long fingers around her throat. "I love you." I whisper in her ears. Bella moans softly and pulls my body to hers. Her hands are flames burning a path down my back and to my hips. _What I would do make this feeling last?_

_I must not kill her... I must not kill her..._

The feeling of Bella's hands are velvet gloves roaming my body. This is awakening thoughts and feelings that I thought were long dead in my cold body. She is kneading my bottom and I feel like writing odes to this perfection. Her touch is ripping moans from my body. These sounds cannot be considered gentlemanly. She is my wife and I must honor her.

_Dear Lord, I want her NOW!_

With all control lost, I grab her hands and thrust them into one of mine. "I _will_ try," I whisper. I am trying so hard to reassure her but I feel that this is more directed to myself. I gingerly slide my free from her face and create an icy path to her silky thigh. Closing my eyes, I raise my body, grinding my pelvis to hers. I duck my head, gently taking her breast in my mouth. She arches into me and I want to crush her into me forever. I want to be her breath, I want to be her skin. Her skin is fire on my icy tongue.

_I must not kill her... I must not kill her..._

I can feel and smell her arousal. Taking my hand I gently ease her thighs apart. Groans are escaping and I can no longer hope to contain them. I slide into her, but am stopped by her maidenhead. I hold Bella's eyes into mine, waiting for her permission for me to continue. I cannot stop now but will if Bella bids it.

_Please, please let me get what I want..._

Bella nods and I thrust into her. I am tearing her asunder. The sound of her tearing hymen and the instantaneous smell of _her _blood hits me. My hands - claws, as they seize her hips. A million thoughts run through my head. I remember her scent the first day I met her. I wanted to kill her then and even calculated scenarios on how I could achieve this. Her blood hit me like a wrecking ball and I almost succumbed, my only savior being the unspoken disappointment that I would cause my father. I remember when James bit her and I was forced to suck out the venom. Her blood was my drug and I was lost. I surfaced when I heard my father's voice cut through the haze and pull me to my senses. Carlisle has great faith in me. He told me that my love for Bella would keep me strong enough to keep her safe.

_Carlisle keep me strong..._

I grab the headboard. It splinters like glass. This feeling is so beyond belief that I know I will break Bella. Better it be the bed-at least I can replace that. I clench my teeth. My body wants nothing more than to bite Bella, letting her hot essence slide down my throat. My throat is an arid desert and only can be soothed by her. Her body is a siren calling me to shore. I am a doomed ship stranded at sea. It is calling to me-'la tua cantante' as Aro once pointed out.

Bella distracts me by grasping my hips, grinding them to her. Her core is magma and it is sending delicious waves up my body. I feel all sensations-her fingers embedded in my back, I feel the slick and slide between her thighs and it is creating a beautiful composition that has no name. I feel her beaded nipples against my chest. I feel her legs entwined in mine...

_Please, please survive this..._

"Open your eyes," Bella whispers looking into my eyes. I know she can see my awe and wonder of this moment. Pleasure is building and our moans create the music of a thousand composers. My eyes clamp shut. My climax is ripped from me, exploding my thoughts and leaving my mind bereft. For once my mind, usually akin to having several compartments working in unison-is empty.

I look down at Bella. Her heart is a timpani. Her beautiful tresses are plastered on her face. She has never been more beautiful that this. Her puckered lips are swollen and peaked with red and there is a flush of rose covering her flesh. _I want her. I need her..._

_This cannot be stopped..._

I hug her and flip us over. I wipe the hair from her face and kiss her eyes. My breathing has calmed, but I cannot speak. I pull her to my lap. I am hard and ready again. Bella smiles mischievously. I want her, I will always want her-for she is mine. I hear her moans and I know that I will let her lead. She kneels up and inserts my penis. I place my hands on her hips, helping to set a rhythm. We come again and again. It was so fast and easy this time. I am a lover who never tires. A lover who will never need sleep. A lover who will always be ready for her.

Bella collapses on my chest. She is spent and she needs her rest. I kiss her teasingly on her nose and bid her to sleep. She giggles, stating she needs to recharge and then drifts of f to sleep.

This is the time I hate. My mind cannot rest. My nostrils are inflamed with her scent and my mind has taken in the memory of this immense pleasure. It is getting almost impossible not to take her again. Shaking my head, I slip from the bed and head out to the beach.

_I have failed her..._

I enter the bedroom again. I grab the lubricant from the drawer and set it on the bed. My beautiful Bella is on her front and I want her. Just like I wanted her blood, I cannot stop. I will not stop. I slowly stroke her waist, around her hips and to the curves of her thighs. I nudge her and she stirs, seeing the tube of lubricant that is now in my hand. Her eyes widen in shock. I turn my head, pleading and supplicating. She closes her eyes and I know that her resolve has crumbled.

I take the pillows and pile them. I kneel and pull Bella over so that her hips are on the pillows and her face is cradled on the bed. I know I must prepare her. This will cause unimaginative pain. I begin to massage her cheeks and stroke upward until I reach her neck. I then lean in and kiss Bella on her nape and slowly nibble and bite down her back and waist. "You are beautiful...and I am so sorry..."

_Bella please forgive me..._

I slide my hands under her body, nimbly taking her tender nipples between my fingers. This feels incredible. I moan as I slide my other hand down to her heat. Taking the wetness, I slide my hand up her perineum to her anus. I gently rub the entrance but do not enter.

_Dear lord, please forgive me..._

Bella gasps as I insert my first anointed finger. Tears are sliding from her eyes and I feel the stab of guilt and I see my red-eyed monster looking back at me. I insert a second digit and stop. Bella's tears are almost my undoing. "Edward, don't stop. I got this." Bella says, fighting the pain between labored breaths. I insert the third finger, kissing her tears away. I set a slow pace, preparing her as much as I can.

_I can't fight my monster..._

I pull my hand away and prepare my penis and her bottom with the lubricant. I gently nudge and gain entrance. The pain Bella must be facing is killing me but the monster doesn't care. I grasp her hips, pushing until I can gain depth. Bella thrusts her hips back, forcing myself fully into her. The feeling of fullness ignites pure fire. I am wrapped in her body as she is wrapped in my arms. Pleasure overtakes us as I drive her harder into completion. This pain and fear has culminated into the greatest pleasure I have ever known. I know Bella has endured this pain for me.

_Sweet, sweet, Bella..._

I pull out and roll over to my side. I stroke her back and her bottom gently for I know she will feel pain later. Bella falls asleep as I hear her soft breaths. I close my eyes and wish for death. My monster is laughing and I thought that I banished him so long ago. I look over at Bella- her lips are bruised and her skin is becoming mottled like she has been beaten repeatedly. There are long scratches on her torso and thighs. _I am a monster. _Her translucent porcelain skin is marred and I am the guilty party.

Disgusted with myself, I jump out of bed. The need to create distance between Bella and myself has never been so urgent. I run and run, but I know that I cannot outrun my shame. I cannot outrun the monster that I thought I have exiled. I run to the other end of this island and know that I can go no farther. I pound on trees, ripping them from the soil. I grab boulders, crashing them to the water. The animals flee and recoil in fear. My monster has won and I feel the shame. My anger is tangible and has no voice.

_My monster smiles._

I head back to the house before Bella can wake. I curl up beside her and begin to trace circles around her bruises. The bruises have become so vivid and I want to own each one. If I could kiss them away and take them as my own I would. Having these pains are no match to the pain Bella will feel and the hatred and anger that she will have for me when she becomes aware. I press my hand into a bruise, my hand a perfect match to it. Her lip has drawn blood, her cheeks showing a faint bruise. Each one is a flashing beacon telling me that I am unworthy and was foolish to have put Bella through this.

Bella stirs as the sunlight is peering through the curtains of the bed. She has a smile on her face but I don't understand why. I have debauched her. I am the lowest of lows and she is smiling at me. My jaw is tight as I stare up at the canopy above us.

" Edward, what is it? Whats wrong?" she states with a catch in her throat.

"You have to ask?" I cannot control the hardness and venom of my voice. I am sickened with myself. "What are you thinking?" I whisper. I need to know she is okay. I need her forgiveness. I smooth out the worry lines on her forehead.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I...?" Bella doesn't finish. She looks wary and confused. Her heartbeat becomes frantic.

My eyes tighten and my jaw is tight."How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth - don't try to downplay it." Bella is a martyr and has forgiven me several times in the past–especially when she shouldn't have. She has always been so gracious to me as well as my family. My family may deserve her forgiveness, but _I_ do not.

"Hurt? Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now." Bella looks herself over and stretches her limbs.

I close my eyes. "Stop that."

"Stop _what_? Bella states. She looks angry and I know she has every right to be.

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this." I sneer.

"Edward!" Bella whispers. "Don't ever say that."

I keep my eyes shut now. "Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster." I can't bear to see the shock that I know she will see. "I'm... so sorry, Bella," I whisper. "I knew better than this. I should not have... I am more sorry than I can tell you."

I throw my arm over my face. I solemnly pledge that I will not make love to her again until she is changed. I cannot control this monster and this is the way it must be.

* * *

Whew! This chapter took longer than I thought! I want to give credit to the Smiths for their brilliant lyrics-'Please, Please, Please let me get what I want...'

A/N: I had a response from a Guest stating, **"I hope you are old enough,over 18 again adult fanfiction is not for teens and junior high kids to write,prove me wrong."**

**(I normally will not respond this way, but 'guest' comments leave me no way to take this conversation off-line.) **

**My** response is as follows: Fanfiction is a community where ANY person of ANY age can write what they choose. That is why there are filters for rating type (K, T, M, etc.) set in the search bar. The disclaimer upon creating an account does state you must be over 18, but I **highly** **doubt** this is adhered to as age cannot be proven. Also, unless this 'guest' is the Moderator of this site, her interpretation of what is appropriate and what is not-is moot. I get the impression that she is censuring what is written/read. She cannot set guidelines of the age of the readers nor the age of the authors who post to this site.

Secondly, this story has THREE disclaimers stating that this is mature content. Rating of M, 'Lemons' and lastly, 'don't like, don't read'.

Lastly, I am well over 20 years old and that although this story contains sex, it **NEVER** has a derogatory word, such as **'cunt, pussy, cock, dick', etc.** You get the idea. I will never use these words in my writing. I do not need them to portray my content. However; I will **never **blast another author for doing so. Nor will I ever question an author's motives for doing so in _their_ stories. I have no right to question the imagination of another. Also, I have read hundreds of stories in this community. There are stories in that have scenarios that will make your toes curl! If my story is read correctly, the message here is that the characters come to age and exercise their marital rights. Most of the story is depicting what thoughts Bella and Edward are thinking and the pleasure they are experiencing. I think that this is fairly accurate for virgins to experience and is not out of the scope of realism.

I hope that this proves my point. (Whew! Enough said!)


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